clinquant: /kling-kuhnt/

–adjective
1. glittering, esp. with tinsel; decked with garish finery.

–noun
2. imitation gold leaf; tinsel; false glitter.

how to use in casual conversation:

"if i see one more clinquant covered conifer i'm going to puke"

not to be confused with:

col. klink

how it makes me feel:

i'm not sure what i can tell you about this one. here's what i can tell you:

1. there is such a thing as drinking too much hot chocolate.
2. i know it's christmas but that doesnt make it ok to pub crawl in a santa hat.
3. i promised my mom i wouldn't open that package until christmas, but i knew there was a jacket in it and my other one was starting to smell.
4. i am one of those damned-pussy liberals who is trying to steal christmas from jesus and hand it over to al qaeda

also:

• i neglected to post yesterday and i am sorry.
• my work is offering me a free vacation from tomorrow until the 4th. actually, it isn't free - they aren't paying me for it. actually it isn't vacation either as i had no choice but to take it. which is why it was that much more entertaining when that d-bag facility manager sent an email to everyone who works here referring to it as "a well deserved break".
• my new years resolution is to not make any.
• i'm taking some time off from the blog. i'll be back sometime next year.

so what i'm trying to say is:

happy holidays. (not merry christmas). take care. be safe. or don't.

dolorous: /dol-er-uhs/

full of, expressing, or causing pain or sorrow

how to use in casual conversation:

"funerals are dolorous"
"sing me another one of those dolorous songs"

not to be confused with:

dolores (a.k.a. the future ex-mrs. pony)

how it makes me feel:

while the pronunciation sounds a lot like dolores, it's more like doleres which is remarkably along the lines of an incident i learned about at brunch yesterday. (i believe zee americans pronounce it 'appiness). and yes the cranberries were like, so 15 years ago. but dolores o'riordan is still damn hot. i'd like to show her my 'appiness. ok. i don't mean that. i've done a lot of things but i've never flashed someone in public, or in private for that matter, at least not in an unsolicited manner. i've never really understood what someone would get out of that. i.e. "i made a girl cry and run away from me in terror. it was so hot." i mean i know that in pornos a guy just kind of pulls it out and the girl is all like "ooooh yeah i did order extra sausage, give it to me pizza man" but everyone knows those people are acting. i mean seriously, those actresses are NOT comfortable in those positions for sustained periods of time, hence the term 'actress'. and jenna jameson is going to have some major arthritis one day. i'm just saying...

diaphanous: /dahy-af-uh-nuhs/

1. very sheer and light; almost completely transparent or translucent.
2. delicately hazy.

how to use in casual conversation:

"the atmosphere had an almost diaphanous appearance this morning"
"grandpa's underwear were so old that they were basically diaphanous"

not to be confused with:

cacophonous

how it makes me feel:

you may notice that this post is a little late in relation to the normal time i usually publish. suffice it to say it this week was a little demanding on the work front, which is weird because it also marked the first time i had both the balls, opportunity and the time to take a nap at work. the reason for me telling you this is that i'm six minutes away from leaving for the weekend and walking to the bus stop. you can call me lazy if you want to. you'd probably be correct.

a note:

have a nice weekend.

paroxysm: /par-uhk-siz-uhm/

1. any sudden, violent outburst; a fit of violent action or emotion
2. Pathology. a severe attack or a sudden increase in intensity of a disease, usually recurring periodically.

how to use in casual conversation:

"it's only around christmas that my rage filled paroxysms start to manifest"

not to be confused with:

raxacoricofallapatorius

how it makes me feel:

i'm trying to think of the most family-friendly way to say this: it makes me feel...hmmmm. let me think about this some more......it makes me feel the urge to.......nope. whatever. it makes me horny. you heard me. this word has moxie and gumption in addition to x and y (much like my chromosomes). it's one syllable shorter than i'd like it to be but as my father used to say "never look a gift horse in the mouth". he also used to say "son, never trust a woman in spandex". he never said anything about vinyl or leather though...

sastruga: /sas-trü-guh/

a wavelike ridge of hard snow formed by the wind —usually used in plural

how to use in casual conversation:

"......she wasn't watching where he was going and them 'BAM' she walks right into a sastruga"

not to be confused with:

beluga

how it makes me feel:

i like it. sastruga! it's strong word. like bear. according to MW, it's technically of german descent but was borrowed from russian. hence the "strong like bear" thing. stay with me here people....

it also makes me think of snow. they kept telling us it was going to snow in seattle, but it was always tomorrow. and then you’d check the forecast on the next day and they’d change it to tomorrow. now it’s in the high 40’s and although it’s been pouring the chances of snow have evaporated completely. damn you el nino. and i know that some of my fellow seattleites will say dumb things like "oh no pony, don't wish for snow, that was terrible waaah waaaah waaaaaah" to which i say "eat it!". some of us made the best of snowpocalypse 08' and didn't take it as an opportunity to whine about everything. i enjoyed sledding on corrugated plastic signs. i enjoyed learning that converse and snow are a terrible mix. and for some reason there was only one day where i had trouble with the bus system even though it seems to screw everyone else.

appellation: /ap-uh-ley-shuhn/

1. The word by which a particular person or thing is called and known
2. The act of naming.

how to use in casual conversation:

"and in a grand act of appellation, i dubbed myself 'asshole' so that there wouldn't be any further ambiguity"

not to be confused with:

appalachia

how it makes me feel:

i like it. 5 syllables, solid definition, nice phonetics. plus, much like a neologism, appellation definitely has a place in my life at this current juncture. i mean people throw words like 'asshole' around a lot these days. has anyone ever considered what it would take to be an actual 'asshole' besides being a dual set of muscular rings through which poo is passed? i'm serious here. because it's one thing to feel like an asshole, another to act like one. but to actually be an asshole.... that's tough. yet i have repeatedly been dubbed with the appellation 'asshole', from both external and internal stakeholders, such that i no longer have a choice but to believe that it is in fact true. i will soon update my blogger profile to reflect this. thank you.

numinous: /noo-muh-nuhs/

1. of, pertaining to, or like a numen; spiritual or supernatural.
2. surpassing comprehension or understanding
3. arousing one's elevated feelings of duty, honor, loyalty, etc.

how to use in casual conversation:

"that cheesecake was positively numinous"

not to be confused with:

luminous

how it makes me feel:

i think that it's supposed to be some kind of uplifting word. that's what i'm getting out of the definition. but to me the phonetics feel like i'm covered in some kind of gross algae. numinous. say it out loud......

numinous

isn't that a little weird? it feels like skinny dipping in greenlake. yeah it's fun and liberating, but when it's over you feel the an urgent yearning to cauterize your urethra prophylactically.

namby-pamby: /nam-bē-pam-bē/

1 : lacking in character or substance
2 : weak, indecisive

how to use in casual conversation:

"this is one of the most namby-pamby WOTDs merriam-webster has ever thrown at us"
"did you seriously just say 'namby-pamby'?

not to be confused with:

gumby

how it makes me feel:

this is kinda, sorta, just a little bit bunk. bunk as in, 'that's some bunk-ass, jive-turkey baloney.' i really don't know what to say to this. as far as i can tell it's akin to phrases like 'nancy-boy' which is language i can only condone when done tounge-in-cheek. i mean......yeah. what else can i say?

WORD OFF!

this week's battle:

provender: /prä-ven-der/

1 : dry food for domestic animals

2 : food, victuals

vs.

cogitate: /koj-i-teyt/

1. to think hard; ponder; meditate
2. to think about; devise

last week's word winner:

myrmidon

you'd think MW would be on the ball with this action. so far as i can tell they have no idea that their WOTDs are being evaluated and pitted again dictionary's WOTDs in a hipster(ish) battle royale to see which word has the most esoteric value or emotional pull. i can understand where they're coming from though. you know.......you start out working at MW in the WOTD department. you're eyes are sparkly and filled with hopeful-hoping that finally (finally!) will your life amount to something more than a series of drunken adventures sprawled out across your facebook page only to find that everyone you work with has been so beaten down by the juggernaut that is MW that little hope exists to find self worth from your occupation much less actually being ok with getting up in the morning and picking a good WOTD until one day you find yourself hunched over a dictionary with your eyes closed saying "eenee, meenee, minee....awww fuck it....moe." that kind of thing. so anyways, pundit never had a chance. myrmidon wins.

ratiocination: /rash-ee-os-uh-ney-shuh/

the process of logical reasoning

how to use in casual conversation:

"there are somethings in this life, things so important that they cannot be left to ratiocination to solve"

not to be confused with:

fascination

how it makes me feel:

now that's what i call a WOTD. i count six syllables (via the hand clapping method, i.e. rat-i-o-cin-a-tion). i think WOTDs should be at least five. yesterday Merriam-Webster's WOTD was fiery. fiery?!? are you f__king kidding me? as in "of, relating to, or characterized by fire"? i call b.s. today was technically supposed to be a word-off but ratiocination makes me happy so i'm holding off until tomorrow. actually "ratiocination" makes me happy. ratiocination actually once made me exceptionally miserable. well it wasn't ratiocination's fault, but rather my attempt to apply it to every life decision which led to long string of compromises until one day i realized that all my decisions had made me exceptionally miserable. that's more like it. you know what else makes me miserable? nothing really, except mushrooms but they don't really make me miserable as much as they taste like earth. anyways, i know that pointed indignance can be quite humorous i.e. bill maher or dennis leary before he went batshit but i am neither bill maher or dennis leary or george carlin for that matter, which is why you must believe that i'm not nearly as angry as some of my posts would make me seem. i am just as much of a drunk though (don't tell anybody) and there ain't nothing ratiocinative about that. booyah!

note from the author:

yes. i said "booyah!".

solicitous: /suh-lis-i-tuhs/

1. anxious or concerned (usually fol. by about, for, etc., or a clause)
2. anxiously desirous
3. eager (usually fol. by an infinitive)
4. careful or particular

how to use in casual conversation:

"i should probably be more solicitous about my liver."
"he was solicitously waiting for the game-shop door to open so he could get the newest set of magic cards."

not to be confused with:

solicitors

how it makes me feel:

apparently i'm dead inside because words just aren't doing anything to me this week. it's not good. it's not bad. it just is. it's a word. it doesn't have ass- in it, (or tits- for that matter). it doesn't make me think of pizza or beer or carmen electra. you know what i'm thinking about? knitting. that's right, knitting. i got this sweet skein of some homespun wool/rayon and there's only16 days until christmas. if i knock out 3 scarves a day, everyday for the next 16 days i will have enough scarves for everyone i want to give one to including my real change guy, willie. willie is a nice man. it was 15 degrees (F) this morning and willie was out there selling his papers, shakin his tail feather, flingin' them around like there was no tomorrow. no matter how crappy i feel in the morning, seeing willy dancing around out there every morning without being solicitous about how he looks to others, willie always makes me feel better.

fatuous /fach-oo-uhs/

1. Inanely foolish and unintelligent; stupid.
2. Illusory; delusive.

how to use in casual conversation:

"no, i called you fatuous, not fatass."

not to be confused with:

fattism

how it makes me feel:

ehh, it's better than what MW was offering. it's kind of a fun word but it isn't really doing it for me. i'll tell you what else isn't doing it for me - not being able to feel my fingers. here's a shout out to everybody who had to defrost when they got to work this morning.

gallimaufry: /gal-uh-maw-free/

1. a hodgepodge; jumble; confused medley.
2. a ragout or hash.

how to use in casual conversation:

"i'd invite you in but my room is a gallimaufry of dirty laundry, pizza boxes and empty juice bottles"

not to be confused with:

gallifrey

how it makes me feel:

i like it or at least i like the idea of it. the only thing is that when i try to say it out loud it feels like there's cotton in my mouth and i gag a little bit. gallimau.... gallimau.... BLEHHHHHHH. that kind of thing. i don't know what else to say about it.

note from pony:

have a nice weekend. or don't. i can't really do anything about it either way and actually don't really care. well maybe a little since i went so far as to type all of this. i'm hungover.

roborant: /rob-er-uhnt/

–adjective
1. strengthening.
–noun
2. a tonic.

how to use in casual conversation:

"i refuse to treat red bull like it's some kind of magical roborant"
"the manner with which willy minces about while selling his real change papers has a roborant effect on my early morning psyche"

not to be confused with:

robosapien

how it makes me feel:

this is actually an amazing WOTD. here's why:

1. the robo- prefix.
2. it sounds like a diatribe from an incensed automaton.
3. the definition is remarkably unlike what you would assume from it's name.
4. it gave me an opportunity to take pot shots at someone though ultimately i opted out of doing so. it would have been entertaining but i'm way past doing such things. however, the things i came up with in my head made me laugh and i attribute said laughing to the word. and the fact that this person is a jerk.

WORD OFF!

this week's battle:

pundit: /'pun-det/

1 : pandit
2 : a learned man
3 : a person who gives opinions in an authoritative manner usually through the mass media

vs.

myrmidon: /mur-mi-don/

1. Classical Mythology. one of the warlike people of ancient Thessaly who accompanied Achilles to the Trojan War.
2. (lowercase) a person who executes without question or scruple a master's commands.

word winner from two weeks ago:

exegesis

a.k.a. x-a-jesus.

bible words have always kind of freaked me out. especially ones from the old testament. remember when god was pissed all the time? those were the days.

to you jerks that use google reader:

VOTE!

disputatious: /dis-pyuh-TAY-shus/

1 : inclined to dispute
b: marked by disputation
2 : provoking debate : controversial

how to use in casual conversation:

"remember when news was news and not a series of disputatious dingbats spouting opinion and calling it fact?"

not to be confused with:

dispensation

how it makes me feel:

i'm kind of on the fence about it. it's a good WOTD and in fact i can remember a time in my life where i was a lot more disputatious in general but as things go i have lost that part of myself. kind of like a car you couldn't afford rims for so like most normal people you just used the normal wheels it came with until you lost that hubcap going around that corner when you were probably too tipsy to be driving but you did it anyways and in the morning you looked at the wheel and went 'oh yeah, that was stupid' but you have a car that's missing a hubcap - and you feel like somebody with one gold tooth but not someone who has a 'grill'. now after all this time of looking at your gold tooth you think to yourself 'what do i have to do to get my tooth back?' but you can't. it's gone maaaan. like forever. and now all you feel is the permanence of knowing that the things you lose in life (especially teeth or parts of teeth) are in most cases irretrievable and all you can hope for is some facsimile of a tooth like substance that can be built up to look like a tooth. or you can just say f the whole thing and start ripping them out and save up for a good set of dentures.

tristful: /'trist-fel/

sad, melancholy

how to use in casual conversation:

"that ride to work this morning sure felt tristful"

not to be confused with:

wistful

how it makes me feel:

it certainly appears to be an appropriate entry for a day such as this one. you know what i'm talking about. the monday after a long weekend where that one or two well deserved and well placed days off results which reminded you what it was like to not constantly feel like some kind of desk surfing robot only to just as swiftly return to the desk of your discontent to be reminded of 'oh sweet jesus' how much you hate your job. maybe that's just me.

an apology:

sorry about last week. i was on a pseudo-vacation visiting family in california. i had every intention of posting through wednesday but i was a little bruised and hungover on tuesday and my primary occupation on wednesday morning was getting a burrito from campos. then there was the xbox. i logged something like 10 hours on assassin's creed 2 which was an odd feeling since i haven't spent that much time playing video games in something like 2 years. but it was a good reminder of how pedestrian and boring my life used to be and made me that much more grateful for the life and friends i have here in seattle so it wasn't all bad but either was i apologize.

pedantic: /pi-ˈdan-tik/

1 : of, relating to, or being a pedant
2 : narrowly, stodgily, and often ostentatiously learned
3 : unimaginative, pedestrian

how to use in casual conversation:

"don't you hate it when you know someone whose 'art' is totally pedantic and you can't say anything? even when they refer to it as their 'art' and invite people over to 'do art'? i do."

not to be confused with:

didactic (click on this link and read it, it will change your life)

how it makes me feel:

well, WOTD wise its not terribly exciting. it's not bad. it's a good word. this word and i actually have a little bit of history. see my mom was a major debate dweeb in high school and while my father didn't receive a formal education until later in life he was quite a prolific reader. so growing up my parents were throwing big words around quite a bit, especially at each other. but my mom would always tell my dad he was being pedantic when really he was being facetious and when she'd tell him he was being facetious he was usually just being annoying. speaking of annoying i'm currently lounging around my sister's house in my manties because no one's home and i really don't want to put my pants on. vacation is sweet.

billingsgate: /bil-ingz-geyt /

coarsely or vulgarly abusive language.

how to use in casual conversation:

"not that i don't like my boss, it's just that the billingsgate he seems to enjoy throwing around at vendors is a little embarrassing."

not to be confused with:

bill gates (still waxing the ass of...)

how it makes me feel:

this is a good one. what it describes is near and dear to me. maybe not so much the 'abusive' aspect but i am always down for course or vulgar language. it's also a word that doesn't sound like it's definition which is something that always floats my boat. speaking of vulgar and abusive language......i'm going home for thanksgiving. and while i'm kind of looking forward to it, i'm also kind of not. 'specially since i realize how much of my time is going to be spent in front of my sisters giant tv with a direct tv remote in one hand and a bong in the other, never being that far away from the xbox controller or a decent burrito. i love my sister to death, i actually i love my whole family but that's not to say that there isn't always potential for our gatherings to erupt into a conflagration of self-righteous name calling and rehashing of 35-year-old traumas. it's a function of the fact that there's always plenty of booze and my family is generally snarky when they're sober. it's actually fun to watch so long as you aren't involved. that is until the little cousins start getting scared. but they're getting older now so maybe this year they'll jump on in there. i plan on drinking with my cousin rich and riding that sweet sweet wave of tryptophan all the way down to grandma's hardwood floor. what happens after that is someone else's problem. although last time that happened they threw a blanket over me and i learned the hard way that you can't lay in the fetal position of such a surface. but that's what 'life-long learning' is all about.

editorial note:

"Billingsgate is so called after Billingsgate, a former market in London celebrated for fish and foul language." - dictionary.com

anachronism: /uh-NAK-ruh-niz-um/

1 : an error in chronology; especially : a chronological misplacing of persons, events, objects, or customs in regard to each other
2 : a person or a thing that is chronologically out of place; especially : one from a former age that is incongruous in the present
3 : the state or condition of being chronologically out of place

how to use in casual conversation:

"everytime i watch dr. who i'm surprised that none of the characters ever made a big deal about the anachronism of the doctor and his companion"

not to be confused with:

anacathartic

how it makes me feel:

i don't know about feelings on this one. but i do know that this is one of those days where i just really wish i was in bed still because i've woken up with my shoes on for the last two days which is an indication of a good night but not necessarily a comfy way to wake up. i'm also rather pressed for time at work and while i'll usually approach entries with a whatever kind of attitude today i allotted myself 10 minutes for this entry and we're currently on minute nine. so i thought this was a fitting WOTD since i am currently fixated with time. and because i love dr. who.

editorial note:

for the record, Rose Tyler was saucy. Martha Jones was not. Martha was smart, very smart, but not saucy.

WORD OFF!

this week's battle:

exegesis: /ek-si-jee-sis/

critical explanation or interpretation of a text or portion of a text, esp. of the Bible.

vs.

littoral: /li-te-'ral/

of, relating to, or situated or growing on or near a shore, especially of the sea

last week's word winner:

asseverate

good call everyone. not only is asseverate an 'ass-' word which are always fun but douceur is pretty close to douche which taken in either it's literal of colloquial usage is not fun. ever seen that show tool academy? we watched an episode on our lunch break at work. i havent seen one since but i must say it was kind of intense. i wonder if those guys know how much fun is being made at their expense. even scarier is that some poor schlubs are probably envious of those dudes. *shivers* i mean yeah they could beat me up but bruises heal and chicks dig scars. that's what i heard on 'the simpsons' anyways...

flyting: /FLY-ting/

a dispute or exchange of personal abuse in verse form

how to use in casual conversation:

"i don't want to fight with you sweetheart, that is unless we're flyting"

not to be confused with:

flighty

how it makes me feel:

ohhh man. this is freaking brilliant. consider the overall improvement in
human-human relations if every time we got upset we had to articulate as
such in verse. no! - in haiku. picture an imaginary married couple:

"lay around the house
feet smell like dead marmot guts
why did we marry?"

"you were knocked up
father's shotgun threatening
i could have done worse"

or better yet imagine me interacting with all those goddamn seattlites who
refuse to properly yield the right of way to pedestrians and bicylcists while driving their stupid, stupid cars in the rain:

"own the road? no sir
right of way is mine, you ass.
sweet indignation"

editorial note:

i'm dedicating this entire post to my good friend anonymous on the internet, especially the haikus. happy early hanukkah - chowderhead.

hoi polloi: /hoi-puh-LOI/

the common people; the masses

how to use in casual conversation:

"it'll be easy to rob the hoi polloi of their hard earned wages"

not to be confused with:

oi polloi

how it makes me feel:

happy monday. it wasn't my first choice. the MW WOTD was dissertate which i would have chosen over a colloquial phrase which is slightly out of character for dictionary.com but when i tried to open the MW page at work i got a "server may be down" type message so i begrudgingly went with hoi polloi which as a former teenage anarchist i have to admit i have a soft spot for but i'm an old man now and wise enough to know that virtually every '-ism' is just another box people try to force things into to better be able to describe the world which isn't necessarily a bad thing except that it leads to you being a stubborn closed minded ideologue or worse yet infects you with a worldview which you then try to use to force the world into agreeing with ignoring nuance and grey areas which is what the world is really composed of and why waste all that grey matter trying to tell everyone what they are or are not just to have a cohesive outlook where everybody is either a 'them' or an 'us'. but then again it might be better than a life of equivocation and compromise.

carapace: /kar-uh-peys/

a bony or chitinous shield, test, or shell covering some or all of the dorsal part of an animal, as of a turtle.

how to use in casual conversation:

don't have time today

not to be confused with:

carrot face

how it makes me feel:

it's an excellent WOTD. but i have some things i need to deal with at work that are going to take make this the worst WOTDuh post ever. my apologies. have a good weekend.

WORD OFF!

this week's battle:

douceur: /dü-'ser/

a conciliatory gift

vs.

asseverate: /uh-sev-uh-reyt/

to declare earnestly or solemnly; affirm positively

last week's word winner:

skulduggery

i actually liked both words from last week invective is one of those words that stings. stings like a wasp not like a slap on the behind. however skulduggery is just one of those simply amazing words that sounds line funny little kid gibberish.

don't forget to vote!!!!!

forfend: /fawr-fend/

1. to defend, secure, or protect.
2. to fend off, avert, or prevent.

how to use in casual conversation:

"this coffee isn't doing anything to forfend me puking all over this cubicle"
"forfend your lady bits, have you no shame?"
"this whole 'trying to forfend imminent global disaster' thing is boring. sometimes a ship just has to sink."

not to be confused with:

portend

how it makes me feel:

i like it. it kinda makes me wonder why i've never heard of it. i've heard of fend and they're pretty close to each other in definition. but one is like maker's mark and the other is like old crow. don't get me wrong i've drank my share of old crow, but i know that i one saw a man use it to clean oil stains off his driveway and i can say with certainty that it'll do the same to your insides. so if someone else is buying i'll always take the shot of makers. i usually feel better about it in the morning. i really have no idea where i'm going with this. i'm not even sure how we got here. wait....where are we? i'm going back to sleep.

damn it! i just remembered i'm at work. screw it. i'm going back to sleep anyways.

day off: /dae-off/

a calendar day in which one refrains from tasks which would otherwise be considered laborious

how to use in casual conversation:

"i'm taking the day off"

not to be confused with:

face off

how it makes me feel:

don't ask.

here are your WOTDs, feel free to post your own WOTDuh entries in the comment section:

dictionary.com

merriam-webster.com

fungible: /fuhn-juh-buhl/

(esp. of goods) being of such nature or kind as to be freely exchangeable or replaceable, in whole or in part, for another of like nature or kind.

how to use in casual conversation:

"in this particular circumstance the term 'spliff' is wholly fungible with the word 'joint'."
"i feel like you consider me to be fungible with any other tall, skinny dude with a beard."

not be confused with:

fugacious

how it makes me feel:

it's a good word and a good WOTD. it's a good word because it has 'fun' in it, and as i have previously discussed any word with 'fun-' in it, is by it's very nature....fun. i don't make the rules. just the way it goes sometimes. it's a good word of the day because, well it has 'fun-' in it and it's sort of obscure. have you ever heard it before? actually, you might be smarter than (or at least have a better memory than) me so don't answer that question. but it's also been one f'ing hell of a monday, the kind on which you would have spent the first three hours of the day combing craigslist and/or monster trying to find a new job had you not been so damn busy because f' me if this place isn't stupid and then of course there's the background radiation that comes along with remembering your previous november traumas and before you know what's what you have your ipod turned up to full blast and can't hear anything that anyone around you is saying and they've figured out that you don't really want to be bothered and you can caulk it up 'a case of the mondays' if you really need to but who gives a crap what any of these people think anyways because after being a year and a half of being a temp it's pretty damn clear to everyone involved what your level of commitment and caring is to the point that no one seems shocked or asks questions when they walk past your desk and find you have the biotech/science jobs section open on your antiquated browser. i always say "i don't actually work here" and it is in fact kinda true.

monday can bite me. especially this particular monday.

nudnik: /'nud-nik/

a person who is a bore or nuisance

how to use in casual conversation:

"i may be a lot of things but a nudnik is not one of them"

not to be confused with:

sputnik

how it makes me feel:

the word itself isn't a whole lot to look at, so to speak. it's a little pedestrian as a WOTD but i do love the way people sound when they speak yiddish and i also like interjecting yiddish into everyday usage. i.e. babkes, chutzpuh, shtick, schlep, schlematzel. coincidentally, i've often wondered if a jewish magician would cast a spiel. i've also often wondered how many beers it would take for me to do the carmen electra strip-tease aerobic workout tape on a thursday night while someone video tapes it. the answer is eight. down-2-3-4-and up- 6-7-8-now hips-2-3-4-and spank-6-7-8. i haven't seen the videos yet since my work runs ie6 and blocks all good websites and even if i could see them at work i wouldn't be able to show them to you because the person that posted them made them private for the people involved. and her mom.

editorial note:

caitlin c. is one saucy bitch. most of you won't know what that means but a few of you will. have a good weekend.

maunder: /mawn-der/

1. to talk in a rambling, foolish, or meaningless way.
2. to move, go, or act in an aimless, confused manner

how to use in casual conversation:

"i think i'm gonna maunder over toward your side of town and stop at a few bars along the way"
"that homeless guy on the bus just kept maundering to anybody to who would listen, regardless of whether or not anyone was"

not to be confused with:

launder

how it makes me feel:

this word is freaking amazing. it's synonymous with meander which is also a kick ass word but it's also synonymous with gallivant, jaunt, and traipse all of which are excellent collections of letters. i also like the word for it's aesthetics. it makes me think of woody guthrie on his library of congress recordings where he's telling stories about the songs and his travels and how they came to be and it just sounds so goddamn beautiful. i personally have spent the last two years of the verge or dropping everything and maundering about the US (which is how i wound up here). because let's face it, at the end of your life what the hell is a career but a pool of co-workers who are willing to show up to your funeral and say what a nice person you were, assuming you don't live 20 years after retirement in which case everyone has long since forgotten you or died. and what good is rent when all it does is pay someone else's mortgage while the property appreciates, i mean my landlord is the nicest lady ever and she hasn't raised the rent in over 5 years but wouldn't our lives be better spent on the back of a scooter, putting around the south in the winter and sliding up north during the summer? digging ditches when you need to just to muster up enough money for gas and food which would certainly entitle you to 10 minutes alone with the restroom key so you can wash your face and possibly your reproductive parts but definitely your arm pits. why is life only meaningful in the context of being validated by or helping others? what if some of us are born to just move from place to place taking in everything we can and demonstrating that you don't have to do things the way 'they' tell you and just because everyone you went to high school with got married and bought a condo doesn't mean you should try to live up to those arbitrary standards where overall success is measured by how much you've earned and spent and how little interest you managed to pay along the way, because the one part 'they' never tell you about the school-college-marriage-property-babies sequence of life events are the consequences of trying to live that life and failing miserably. not that i know anything about that.

WORD OFF!

this week's battle:

skulduggery: /skuhl-duhg-uh-ree/

1. dishonorable proceedings; mean dishonesty or trickery
2. an instance of dishonest or deceitful behavior; trick

vs.

invective: /in-'vek-tiv/

of, relating to, or characterized by insult or abuse

last week's word winner:

luculent

i wasn't impressed with last week's choices myself. such that i don't even remember which one i voted for. speaking of voting, my guy is ahead by something on the order of 910 votes but the seattle mayoral race is still too close to call. all things being equal - always vote for the guy with the beard.

sommelier: /suhm-uhl-yey/

a waiter, as in a club or restaurant, who is in charge of wines

how to use in casual conversation:

"this restaurant has the most lovely sommelier"
"that jerk better work for his tips, he better be doing sommelier-ersaults"

not to be confused with:

nothing rhymes with sommelier. so if you confuse it with something else, you're obviously stupid.

how it makes me feel:

it kinda gives me an odd feeling. to start, the word sommelier is essentially synonymous with asshole. like that one knob on top chef whose name i can't remember. i hated that guy. it kind of reminds me of the time i was a kid and i asked my mom what it meant when someone had 'esq.' (as in esquire) after their name. she said "it means they're a pretentious asshole". it took me another couple of years to get a serious answer to my question and only then did i get a joke. thanks vicky. btw, vicky likes wine. but as far as i'm concerned if you ain't got a bottle of chuck somewhere behind the bar don't even bother to show me the wine list. it's just that red wine kind of gives me heart burn after the first bottle and that 2008 australian chardonnay was the bomb. plus wine is expensive. $8 a glass? for that money i can get 4 pbrs at any hour or 8 cans of oly between 5 and 7 on weekdays.

voluble: /väl-yu-bel/

1 : easily rolling or turning
2 : characterized by ready or rapid speech

how to use in casual conversation:
"i have for most of my life survived most situations by becoming instantly voluble and finding my way out of trouble"
"this wheel is pretty voluble"

not to be confused with:

volatile

how it makes me feel:

it's ok. i'm never really excited about what MW puts out, especially not on a monday. but last week was all dictionary.com and i'm feeling like i need to balance the universe and this is a lot better than the crap they were putting out last week. hobhob? pescatarian? freaking gag me already.

editorial note:

happy monday. lets just hope it can't get any worse than it feels right now.

tenebrous: /ten-uh-bruhs/

dark; gloomy; obscure

how to use in casual conversation:

"this halloween party can hardy be described as tenebrous"

not to be confused with:

tenuous

how it makes me feel:

freaking amazing. i like the word, i like the definition, i like the conotations. plus i've been watching a lot of dexter lately so it's kind of fitting for my current frame of mind. so when that fat guy in the sweater and flip-flops was trying to speak broken spanish in the worst accent ever to the taco truck lady (who speaks perfect english) i must admit that i was tempted to kill him. or at least punch him. i really want to punch somebody. i don't know what tenebrous monster has come to reside within the inner-workings of my mind such that i want to punch people simply for being douchey. oh wait. yeah i do. but those damned frontal lobes....they ruin everything, everytime.

editorial note:

i don't have a halloween costume. i don't how this one snuck up on me but i literally have nothing. i'm thinking about just riding my bike to a couple of parties and being one of 'those guys'. or i was just going to go dressed as myself and if anybody asked what i am i'll just say "a scumbag". whatever. happy hallow weenie.

stentorian: /sten-tawr-ee-uhn/

very loud or powerful in sound

how to use in casual conversation:

"the normally peaceful roadway ground to a standstill when the stentorian rage of the construction crane was transformed from it's normally vertical silence to a horizontal roar."

not to be confused with:

the centurions

how it makes me feel:

this is a great WOTD. it's got fortitude....stentorian. damn. d'you see that? word damn near knocked me over. i mean that doesn't say a lot because most days a stiff breeze will knock me over if i don't brace myself...but yeah. stentorian. i feel manly just saying it. this word actually makes my testicles feel bigger. i mean, i'm sorry if i'm getting a little graphic on you but if i say stentorian one more time i won't be able to walk. i'll be stuck in my cubicle chair, only able to rotate around in circles, anchored by the marblebag as if i was made up of dark matter. i'll have to ask someone to go to the breakroom and bring me my lunch bag so i can make my tofurky sandwich at my desk. i'll have to rig up some kind of clandestine catheter system and hope the swelling goes down enough by 4:30pm that i won't have to actually pick them up and carry them in both hands all the way to the bus stop. that would be just plain embarrassing.

WORD OFF!

this week's battle:

conflate: /kuhn-fleyt/

to fuse into one entity; merge

vs.

luculent: /lü-kye-lent/

clear in thought or expression

last week's word winner:

scuttlebutt

i wasn't impressed with last week's options. but all things considered it was fairly predictable that scuttlebutt would rule the day.

punctilious: /puhngk-til-ee-uhs/

strict or exact in the observance of the formalities or amenities of conduct or actions.

how to use in casual conversation:

"the punctilious nature with which she approached life was both neurotic and boring."

not to be confused with:

punctation

how it makes me feel:

this one is a little complicated. i am by all accounts a lazy man. while capable of great things when i try, i rarely try. and even then i do so half-heartedly. i'm just not a 'go-getter' and frankly i have little understanding of people who are. overachievers drive me nuts. in my personal experience, trying just leads to disappointment. and who likes disappointment? life is a zillion times easier when you don't expect anything from it or any of the people you encounter while living it, most especially . so while the i think punctilious is an amazing WOTD, because it is, the idea of being surrounded by punctilious people or becoming punctilious myself is unappealing. it just sounds so tiring. always following the rules. obeying all the minor formalities of courtesy and human interaction....f that. or better yet don't. sex is sooooo much freaking work. could we just smoke a joint and cuddle?

encomium: \en-KOH-mee-um\

glowing and warmly enthusiastic praise

how to use in casual conversation:

"feel free to shower me with encomium anytime you want"
"i've heard nothing but encomium for where the wild things are. but then again i hate everything so we'll see..."

not to be confused with:

zirconium

how it makes me feel:

ok. it's raining in seattle today. it's also the first day i don't have a car. i got rid of it. it was dead financial weight and you don't really need a car in this town. you don't really need a car anywhere, at least not in the sense that you need water or food or to go to the bathroom. but i would be willing to admit that there are some places where it's certainly helpful (i.e. the grand clusterf%&k that is the greater LA area). but i don't need mine so i gave it back and told them to bite me. well, not exactly. but legally speaking it was akin to a british middle finger - insulting but in a polite and delightful manner. it had to be the kindest repossession ever - we made an appointment and i shook the dudes hand afterward. he was very helpful. now i have nothing but encomium for riding my bicycle.

galumph

to move along heavily and clumsily

how to use in casual conversation:

"and there you are galumphing about with your sketchers trying to pretend like you didn't just make a waffle out of someones face"

how it makes me feel:

i'm kinda like 'whatever' about it. because although the time stamp may say i posted this on friday i really posted it on sunday, well technically it's monday and quite frankly i'm drunk. this is the last time i wing for a man on a sunday night. especially with such lackluster results - i mean the primary was headstrong. i will give him that. he really went for it full bore. but at the end of the day all that really matters is results and i love you DPR, but you made a series of mistakes which quite frankly cost us the evening. first mistake? you couldn't remember their names. neither could i, but i wasn't the dude with the agenda and my only obligation was to drink rainier and be just enough of an asshole to make you look good and i can say without equivocation that i met those standards. the look and that girl's face as i walked home only proved that fact. second mistake? we drank too much. third mistake? our black eyes are waning. i mean we've had two weeks of golden that can only be replaced by us beating the hell out of each other and telling people 'we got mugged again' but quite frankly no one would believe us and at some point we need to start relying on charm and boyish good looks as opposed to sympathy and 'looking like we can take a punch'. just saying. i'm drunk.

rugose:

1 : full of wrinkles
2 : having the veinlets sunken and the spaces between elevated

how to use in casual conversation:

"so this old man on the bus...he starts yelling something about a 'jig-a-boo in the white house' and then pulls his pants down and yells that he's staging a 'tea-bagging-protest'. as the cops pulled his dementia addled ass away, they left his rugose earl-grey-sack flailing in the wind for all to see."

not to be confused with:

lugosi

how it makes me feel:

do you remember that one adam sandler movie? not the one where he was beat up bob barker, or the one where he beat up the bathroom stall. big daddy? was that it? the one where he temporarily raised jon stewart's illegitimate kid... anyways, you know that scene where his girlfriend tells him she's dumping him for that old dude and he says something about her "having his wrinkly old nut-sack knocking up against for the rest of her life" or something like that. it made me think of that. it also made me think of my grandma. not the nut sack knocking part, but the wrinkly part. grandma smoked. a lot. she was also addicted to bingo for a while. everything she had contained cigarette burn holes. it's my main motivation for wanting to quit. (note i said wanting to, not trying to...big difference). this isn't really going anywhere.

WORD OFF!

this week's battle:

quash:

to suppress or extinguish summarily and completely

vs.

scuttlebutt:

1. Nautical.
a. an open cask of drinking water.
b. a drinking fountain for use by the crew of a vessel.
2. Informal.
rumor or gossip.

last week's word winner:

oracular

i voted for fetor. in my opinion fetor was technically a better word BUT i will grant that fetor is gross. you people seem to have aversions to gross and/or ugly words and that's ok. i just have to admit to being somewhat surprised because fetor did have a significant lead for most of the week . but the masses have spoken and oracular wins.

milieu:

surroundings, esp. of a social or cultural nature

how to use in causal conversation:

"it is hard to explain the milieu of the party. the shorts are short, and the sweaters are fuzzy"

not to be confused with:

beaulieu

how it makes me feel:

i used to like this word. it has a certain...je ne sais quoi. that's probably just because it's french like entrepreneur, or crepe. though it feels like it's lacking something. it's like a slurpee without a straw. sure it looks good and you'll probably find it tasty but without a straw the whole experience is just sloppy and something you probably wouldn't repeat because you'll always remember and be reminded of "that one time with the slurpee" where you had frozen orange fanta in your beard for what felt like days but it was summer and who was really sober enough to be paying attention to your facial hair, right? hell we spent a good part of summer solstice passed out, wine drunk in the middle of a park before we revived ourselves long enough for me to eat $18 worth of 'fair food', including 3 of 4 items which were hot-dog-based, all against a backdrop of the northwest's premier neil diamond cover band. in truth, that day pretty much established the milieu of the entire summer.

fugacious:

1. fleeting; transitory.
2. Botany. falling or fading early.

how to use in causal conversation:

"it was an intense but ultimately fugacious romance"
"you call yourself a gardener? your begonias are fugacious and your lilies are flaccid."

not to be confused with:

fungalicious

how it makes me feel:

i actually like this one. i actually kind of like it a lot. it's weird. i didn't really have high expectations for the day. it's kind of grey here in seattle and it's getting to the point where the sun doesn't bother coming around until 8 or 8:30 if you're lucky and after seeing what MW was offering i thought the cosmos might just somehow be aligned to make today a fairly mediocre experience where nothing really goes wrong but nothing really goes right either. one of those cosmically neutral days where you neither generate positive or negative karma, leisurely riding a soft gentle stream of middling tolerability (yes i'm making up words). in other words it felt like a monday. luckily that feeling was fugacious.

word off!

this week's battle:

oracular:

1 : resembling an oracle (as in solemnity of delivery)
2 : of, relating to, or being an oracle

vs.

fetor:

a strong, offensive smell; stench.

last week's word winner:

polemic

i actually thought titivate had a chance on this one, but in retrospect polemic is a fairly powerful word. titivate while entertaining doesn't quite have the moxie that polemic possesses.

i'll be back on monday with actual posts. have an ok weekend.

catheter: a small tube inserted into a body cavity to remove fluid, create an opening, distend a passageway or administer a drug

how to use in casual conversation:

"good morning from harborview"
"from harborview?"
"yeah"
"what are you doing there?"
"well there's a catheter in my dick and i'm trying to figure the rest out"

not to be confused with:

any day you wake up with a catheter is, in general, confusing

how it makes me feel:

not so good. first, there is the anger. i mean, was it really necessary to spray me in the face with black paint and then proceed to beat the living hell out of me? i didn't even have any money and my bank card was shut off 12 hours later. sure you got my bus pass, but how far do you think that'll get you? the only cash you found was in my buddy's wallet and you left that there. wtf?

second is the loss. i really loved those glasses. and the one time i actually leave the house sporting those fuckers and i wake up in a neck brace with 5 staples in my head. i'm also lamenting the loss of the portions of my teeth that kept me from cutting the insides of my mouth constantly when i chew and talk. in case anybody wanted to know.

third is the stupidity. should i really feel that vulnerable walking around the very streets i used to call my home? i think not. so i've elected to combat this outrage with levity. (well, levity, advil, aspirin and copious amounts of sleep).

fourth is the violation. do you know what it's like to wake up with a tube in your manhood? a tube you neither askedfor nor desired? plus they make it feel like you have to pee even when you don't. i'm told i should be more happy i was awake when they took it out and not when they put it in, but geez!

editorial note:

none of this is a joke. i literally got the fucking shit beat out of me thursday night/friday morning for more or less no reason. it was supposed to be a robbery but as robberies go it was one of the most piss poor things i've every experienced. typically you rob people with money (dumbasses) and don't leave one of the guys with 3 dollars in his wallet. actually, you typically take the wallet with money in it and leave the one without money in it NOT THE OTHER FUCKING WAY AROUND!

i'm taking some time off. if it makes you feel any better, the swelling is going down but the bruising is worse. however, i have some arnica that i'm applying rather regularly. we'll be back up in a few days.

WORD OFF!

this week's battle:

titivate:

to make smart or spruce

vs.

polemic:

1 a : an aggressive attack on or refutation of the opinions or principles of another b : the art or practice of disputation or controversy —usually used in plural but singular or plural in construction
2 : an aggressive controversialist

last week's word winner:

gaucherie


pabulum never really had a chance on this one.

taking the day off due to head injury.

be back tomorrow.

burgeon:

1. to grow or develop quickly; flourish
2. to begin to grow, as a bud; put forth buds, shoots, etc.

how to use in casual conversation:

"she quickly burgeoned into an alcoholic"
"there's a burgeoning discomfort in my stomach"

not to be confused with:

burden

how it makes me feel:

not terribly excited. all things considered - it's a good word. but it isn't exactly making anything in my pants burgeon. not to mention it just kinda sounds ugly. burgeon also rhymes with sturgeon which is one natures the ugliest creatures. probably because it's fucking old. i usually try to restrict swearing on these entries but 200 million years is a long damn time to go without evolving morphologically. i mean, come the f on here. humans transitioned from tree dwelling, bug-off-back-eating, grunting lion-fodder to latte-swilling, condo-dwelling, cell phone users in something on the order of 4-6 million years (not to mention learning to walk upright and developing the opposable thumb). so what's up sturgeon? feeling a little lazy? where's your condo sturgeon? what's that? you don't have one because you live in water? whatever. get a fucking job sturgeon.

editorial note:

cats are better than sturgeons. i got to see my cat last night. he was happy. he has a nice home which is good. i wanted him to be miserable without me but he was well groomed and he has a little playmate now. i'm still a little bitter about the circumstances under which he left my company but in the end the colonel is whats important not that stupid jerk.

avuncular:

1 : of or relating to an uncle
2 : suggestive of an uncle especially in kindliness or geniality

how to use in casual conversation:

"the kindly old man displayed an avuncular nature while distributing the poisoned candy"

not to be confused with:

vernaulcar

how is makes me feel:

i like it. MW did well today. the dictionary.com entry was esurient which was also an amazing entry, but i went with avuncular. why? because i have a bunch of uncles, most of whom i like quite a bit. just kidding uncle bob.

it also reminds me of walt. walt was a guy i used to work with. walt was a black man in his early 50's from south carolina who worked with a bunch of twenty somethings. walt was prone to saying things like 'dang ol' and 'well hot damn'. sometimes walt would preface things he said to me now 'now listen here my young partner'. i once made a joke about him getting his AARP card. he never let me forget it. anyways. we called him uncle walt. possibly for his warm spirit and kindly, helpful disposition but probably also for the amount of avuncular ball busting he would routinely unleash upon us. here's to uncle walt.

neologism:

1 : a new word, usage, or expression
2 : a meaningless word coined by a psychotic

how to use in casual conversation:

"you can't just throw out some neologism and expect that crap to fly."

not to be confused with:

neodarwinism

how it makes me feel:

my first though was 'borrrrrinnnnng' but the more i thought about it the more i kinda like it. new words and phrases are constantly being introduced into the language and it's good to have a word for that. more importantly it's good to have a word for this because i'm constantly making things up, for example:

crotchal: of or generally pertaining to the crotch

"could you get your dog's nose out of my crotchal region for a couple minutes?"

people are always telling me "hey pony, that's not a word" and i say "people make up words all the time" and they look at me like i am crazy. but now i can say "whatever, it's a neologism, i win". whether or not using the term neologism would make me appear to be the psychotic mentioned in the second definition is another issue. that is, would "neologism" seem like a neologism to someone who doesn't know what a neologism is? what i'm also wondering is why the meaninglessness of the word is exclusive to it being issued by a psychotic? if some fun-loving bum is walking around making up new words and phrases, why is that somehow different than if a guy in a business suit does it? is this like the difference between being bat-shit crazy and being eccentric?

editorial note:

i'm having a bit of trouble using the english language today. whoever finds the typos wins the prize!

what's the prize?

you buy me a plane ticket and i come to your house and drink all your beer and make your pets love me more than they love you and you feel bad about it forever. if you don't have pets i'll just make out with your sister. if you don't have a sister i'll just pee in the corner of your living room. it'd be better if you got a pet before i arrive....you should probably buy some beer too. grab some absobent pads as well, you know, j.i.c.

oh yeah, have a nice weekend.

adjuvant:

adj.
1. serving to help or assist; auxiliary.
noun
2. a person or thing that aids or helps.

how to use in casual conversation:

"allow me to introduce wesley, my party adjuvant"
"when it comes to awesome, consider me your adjuvant"
"i have trouble reconciling the decisions made regarding bus scheduling in this town, especially in light of the fact that public transportation is supposed to be adjuvant by its very nature"

not to be confused with:

adjutant

how it makes me feel:

i'm okay with it. dictionary.com has been fairly consistent this week. consistent, but not amazing. they're like the pizza place down the street from you that always has cheap slices ready. it's not the best pizza ever but they aren't the worst either and they're like right-the-hell-there. plus the dude kinda knows you because you always tip well and always in cash, even when you pay with your card so he tells you about his camping trip with his wife over the weekend even though you don't really care because you've never met her and don't want to but you listen anyway and nod and smile because you're not entirely dead inside, at least not yet. and the lady at the taco truck is nice and everything but you just don't feel the connection that you do to your closest pizza place and how many meals a day can you have that contain jalapenos before your insides just kind of surrender and scream "when-lord-when will i get vegetables that don't come from subway?" plus it's nice to have someone to say hello to even if it's just the dude at the pizza place because lets face it here people - no matter how alone we aren't, we're all still pretty damn alone. that kind of thing.

editorial note:

MW has kinda gone off their rocker this week. pukka? wtf?

WORD OFF!!!

this week's battle:

gaucherie:

1 : lack of social grace, sensitivity, or acuteness; awkwardness; crudeness; tactlessness.
2 : an act, movement, etc., that is socially graceless, awkward, or tactless.

vs.

pabulum:

1 : food; especially : a suspension or solution of nutrients in a state suitable for absorption
2 : intellectual sustenance
3 : something (as writing or speech) that is insipid, simplistic, or bland

last week's word winner:

eldritch

i voted for popinjay. but apparently 54% of you have another opinion on the matter. speaking for myself, eldritch sounded a little too 'lord of the rings'.

readerettes: don't forget to vote