clinquant: /kling-kuhnt/

–adjective
1. glittering, esp. with tinsel; decked with garish finery.

–noun
2. imitation gold leaf; tinsel; false glitter.

how to use in casual conversation:

"if i see one more clinquant covered conifer i'm going to puke"

not to be confused with:

col. klink

how it makes me feel:

i'm not sure what i can tell you about this one. here's what i can tell you:

1. there is such a thing as drinking too much hot chocolate.
2. i know it's christmas but that doesnt make it ok to pub crawl in a santa hat.
3. i promised my mom i wouldn't open that package until christmas, but i knew there was a jacket in it and my other one was starting to smell.
4. i am one of those damned-pussy liberals who is trying to steal christmas from jesus and hand it over to al qaeda

also:

• i neglected to post yesterday and i am sorry.
• my work is offering me a free vacation from tomorrow until the 4th. actually, it isn't free - they aren't paying me for it. actually it isn't vacation either as i had no choice but to take it. which is why it was that much more entertaining when that d-bag facility manager sent an email to everyone who works here referring to it as "a well deserved break".
• my new years resolution is to not make any.
• i'm taking some time off from the blog. i'll be back sometime next year.

so what i'm trying to say is:

happy holidays. (not merry christmas). take care. be safe. or don't.

dolorous: /dol-er-uhs/

full of, expressing, or causing pain or sorrow

how to use in casual conversation:

"funerals are dolorous"
"sing me another one of those dolorous songs"

not to be confused with:

dolores (a.k.a. the future ex-mrs. pony)

how it makes me feel:

while the pronunciation sounds a lot like dolores, it's more like doleres which is remarkably along the lines of an incident i learned about at brunch yesterday. (i believe zee americans pronounce it 'appiness). and yes the cranberries were like, so 15 years ago. but dolores o'riordan is still damn hot. i'd like to show her my 'appiness. ok. i don't mean that. i've done a lot of things but i've never flashed someone in public, or in private for that matter, at least not in an unsolicited manner. i've never really understood what someone would get out of that. i.e. "i made a girl cry and run away from me in terror. it was so hot." i mean i know that in pornos a guy just kind of pulls it out and the girl is all like "ooooh yeah i did order extra sausage, give it to me pizza man" but everyone knows those people are acting. i mean seriously, those actresses are NOT comfortable in those positions for sustained periods of time, hence the term 'actress'. and jenna jameson is going to have some major arthritis one day. i'm just saying...

diaphanous: /dahy-af-uh-nuhs/

1. very sheer and light; almost completely transparent or translucent.
2. delicately hazy.

how to use in casual conversation:

"the atmosphere had an almost diaphanous appearance this morning"
"grandpa's underwear were so old that they were basically diaphanous"

not to be confused with:

cacophonous

how it makes me feel:

you may notice that this post is a little late in relation to the normal time i usually publish. suffice it to say it this week was a little demanding on the work front, which is weird because it also marked the first time i had both the balls, opportunity and the time to take a nap at work. the reason for me telling you this is that i'm six minutes away from leaving for the weekend and walking to the bus stop. you can call me lazy if you want to. you'd probably be correct.

a note:

have a nice weekend.

paroxysm: /par-uhk-siz-uhm/

1. any sudden, violent outburst; a fit of violent action or emotion
2. Pathology. a severe attack or a sudden increase in intensity of a disease, usually recurring periodically.

how to use in casual conversation:

"it's only around christmas that my rage filled paroxysms start to manifest"

not to be confused with:

raxacoricofallapatorius

how it makes me feel:

i'm trying to think of the most family-friendly way to say this: it makes me feel...hmmmm. let me think about this some more......it makes me feel the urge to.......nope. whatever. it makes me horny. you heard me. this word has moxie and gumption in addition to x and y (much like my chromosomes). it's one syllable shorter than i'd like it to be but as my father used to say "never look a gift horse in the mouth". he also used to say "son, never trust a woman in spandex". he never said anything about vinyl or leather though...

sastruga: /sas-trü-guh/

a wavelike ridge of hard snow formed by the wind —usually used in plural

how to use in casual conversation:

"......she wasn't watching where he was going and them 'BAM' she walks right into a sastruga"

not to be confused with:

beluga

how it makes me feel:

i like it. sastruga! it's strong word. like bear. according to MW, it's technically of german descent but was borrowed from russian. hence the "strong like bear" thing. stay with me here people....

it also makes me think of snow. they kept telling us it was going to snow in seattle, but it was always tomorrow. and then you’d check the forecast on the next day and they’d change it to tomorrow. now it’s in the high 40’s and although it’s been pouring the chances of snow have evaporated completely. damn you el nino. and i know that some of my fellow seattleites will say dumb things like "oh no pony, don't wish for snow, that was terrible waaah waaaah waaaaaah" to which i say "eat it!". some of us made the best of snowpocalypse 08' and didn't take it as an opportunity to whine about everything. i enjoyed sledding on corrugated plastic signs. i enjoyed learning that converse and snow are a terrible mix. and for some reason there was only one day where i had trouble with the bus system even though it seems to screw everyone else.

appellation: /ap-uh-ley-shuhn/

1. The word by which a particular person or thing is called and known
2. The act of naming.

how to use in casual conversation:

"and in a grand act of appellation, i dubbed myself 'asshole' so that there wouldn't be any further ambiguity"

not to be confused with:

appalachia

how it makes me feel:

i like it. 5 syllables, solid definition, nice phonetics. plus, much like a neologism, appellation definitely has a place in my life at this current juncture. i mean people throw words like 'asshole' around a lot these days. has anyone ever considered what it would take to be an actual 'asshole' besides being a dual set of muscular rings through which poo is passed? i'm serious here. because it's one thing to feel like an asshole, another to act like one. but to actually be an asshole.... that's tough. yet i have repeatedly been dubbed with the appellation 'asshole', from both external and internal stakeholders, such that i no longer have a choice but to believe that it is in fact true. i will soon update my blogger profile to reflect this. thank you.

numinous: /noo-muh-nuhs/

1. of, pertaining to, or like a numen; spiritual or supernatural.
2. surpassing comprehension or understanding
3. arousing one's elevated feelings of duty, honor, loyalty, etc.

how to use in casual conversation:

"that cheesecake was positively numinous"

not to be confused with:

luminous

how it makes me feel:

i think that it's supposed to be some kind of uplifting word. that's what i'm getting out of the definition. but to me the phonetics feel like i'm covered in some kind of gross algae. numinous. say it out loud......

numinous

isn't that a little weird? it feels like skinny dipping in greenlake. yeah it's fun and liberating, but when it's over you feel the an urgent yearning to cauterize your urethra prophylactically.

namby-pamby: /nam-bē-pam-bē/

1 : lacking in character or substance
2 : weak, indecisive

how to use in casual conversation:

"this is one of the most namby-pamby WOTDs merriam-webster has ever thrown at us"
"did you seriously just say 'namby-pamby'?

not to be confused with:

gumby

how it makes me feel:

this is kinda, sorta, just a little bit bunk. bunk as in, 'that's some bunk-ass, jive-turkey baloney.' i really don't know what to say to this. as far as i can tell it's akin to phrases like 'nancy-boy' which is language i can only condone when done tounge-in-cheek. i mean......yeah. what else can i say?

WORD OFF!

this week's battle:

provender: /prä-ven-der/

1 : dry food for domestic animals

2 : food, victuals

vs.

cogitate: /koj-i-teyt/

1. to think hard; ponder; meditate
2. to think about; devise

last week's word winner:

myrmidon

you'd think MW would be on the ball with this action. so far as i can tell they have no idea that their WOTDs are being evaluated and pitted again dictionary's WOTDs in a hipster(ish) battle royale to see which word has the most esoteric value or emotional pull. i can understand where they're coming from though. you know.......you start out working at MW in the WOTD department. you're eyes are sparkly and filled with hopeful-hoping that finally (finally!) will your life amount to something more than a series of drunken adventures sprawled out across your facebook page only to find that everyone you work with has been so beaten down by the juggernaut that is MW that little hope exists to find self worth from your occupation much less actually being ok with getting up in the morning and picking a good WOTD until one day you find yourself hunched over a dictionary with your eyes closed saying "eenee, meenee, minee....awww fuck it....moe." that kind of thing. so anyways, pundit never had a chance. myrmidon wins.

ratiocination: /rash-ee-os-uh-ney-shuh/

the process of logical reasoning

how to use in casual conversation:

"there are somethings in this life, things so important that they cannot be left to ratiocination to solve"

not to be confused with:

fascination

how it makes me feel:

now that's what i call a WOTD. i count six syllables (via the hand clapping method, i.e. rat-i-o-cin-a-tion). i think WOTDs should be at least five. yesterday Merriam-Webster's WOTD was fiery. fiery?!? are you f__king kidding me? as in "of, relating to, or characterized by fire"? i call b.s. today was technically supposed to be a word-off but ratiocination makes me happy so i'm holding off until tomorrow. actually "ratiocination" makes me happy. ratiocination actually once made me exceptionally miserable. well it wasn't ratiocination's fault, but rather my attempt to apply it to every life decision which led to long string of compromises until one day i realized that all my decisions had made me exceptionally miserable. that's more like it. you know what else makes me miserable? nothing really, except mushrooms but they don't really make me miserable as much as they taste like earth. anyways, i know that pointed indignance can be quite humorous i.e. bill maher or dennis leary before he went batshit but i am neither bill maher or dennis leary or george carlin for that matter, which is why you must believe that i'm not nearly as angry as some of my posts would make me seem. i am just as much of a drunk though (don't tell anybody) and there ain't nothing ratiocinative about that. booyah!

note from the author:

yes. i said "booyah!".

solicitous: /suh-lis-i-tuhs/

1. anxious or concerned (usually fol. by about, for, etc., or a clause)
2. anxiously desirous
3. eager (usually fol. by an infinitive)
4. careful or particular

how to use in casual conversation:

"i should probably be more solicitous about my liver."
"he was solicitously waiting for the game-shop door to open so he could get the newest set of magic cards."

not to be confused with:

solicitors

how it makes me feel:

apparently i'm dead inside because words just aren't doing anything to me this week. it's not good. it's not bad. it just is. it's a word. it doesn't have ass- in it, (or tits- for that matter). it doesn't make me think of pizza or beer or carmen electra. you know what i'm thinking about? knitting. that's right, knitting. i got this sweet skein of some homespun wool/rayon and there's only16 days until christmas. if i knock out 3 scarves a day, everyday for the next 16 days i will have enough scarves for everyone i want to give one to including my real change guy, willie. willie is a nice man. it was 15 degrees (F) this morning and willie was out there selling his papers, shakin his tail feather, flingin' them around like there was no tomorrow. no matter how crappy i feel in the morning, seeing willy dancing around out there every morning without being solicitous about how he looks to others, willie always makes me feel better.

fatuous /fach-oo-uhs/

1. Inanely foolish and unintelligent; stupid.
2. Illusory; delusive.

how to use in casual conversation:

"no, i called you fatuous, not fatass."

not to be confused with:

fattism

how it makes me feel:

ehh, it's better than what MW was offering. it's kind of a fun word but it isn't really doing it for me. i'll tell you what else isn't doing it for me - not being able to feel my fingers. here's a shout out to everybody who had to defrost when they got to work this morning.

gallimaufry: /gal-uh-maw-free/

1. a hodgepodge; jumble; confused medley.
2. a ragout or hash.

how to use in casual conversation:

"i'd invite you in but my room is a gallimaufry of dirty laundry, pizza boxes and empty juice bottles"

not to be confused with:

gallifrey

how it makes me feel:

i like it or at least i like the idea of it. the only thing is that when i try to say it out loud it feels like there's cotton in my mouth and i gag a little bit. gallimau.... gallimau.... BLEHHHHHHH. that kind of thing. i don't know what else to say about it.

note from pony:

have a nice weekend. or don't. i can't really do anything about it either way and actually don't really care. well maybe a little since i went so far as to type all of this. i'm hungover.

roborant: /rob-er-uhnt/

–adjective
1. strengthening.
–noun
2. a tonic.

how to use in casual conversation:

"i refuse to treat red bull like it's some kind of magical roborant"
"the manner with which willy minces about while selling his real change papers has a roborant effect on my early morning psyche"

not to be confused with:

robosapien

how it makes me feel:

this is actually an amazing WOTD. here's why:

1. the robo- prefix.
2. it sounds like a diatribe from an incensed automaton.
3. the definition is remarkably unlike what you would assume from it's name.
4. it gave me an opportunity to take pot shots at someone though ultimately i opted out of doing so. it would have been entertaining but i'm way past doing such things. however, the things i came up with in my head made me laugh and i attribute said laughing to the word. and the fact that this person is a jerk.

WORD OFF!

this week's battle:

pundit: /'pun-det/

1 : pandit
2 : a learned man
3 : a person who gives opinions in an authoritative manner usually through the mass media

vs.

myrmidon: /mur-mi-don/

1. Classical Mythology. one of the warlike people of ancient Thessaly who accompanied Achilles to the Trojan War.
2. (lowercase) a person who executes without question or scruple a master's commands.

word winner from two weeks ago:

exegesis

a.k.a. x-a-jesus.

bible words have always kind of freaked me out. especially ones from the old testament. remember when god was pissed all the time? those were the days.

to you jerks that use google reader:

VOTE!

disputatious: /dis-pyuh-TAY-shus/

1 : inclined to dispute
b: marked by disputation
2 : provoking debate : controversial

how to use in casual conversation:

"remember when news was news and not a series of disputatious dingbats spouting opinion and calling it fact?"

not to be confused with:

dispensation

how it makes me feel:

i'm kind of on the fence about it. it's a good WOTD and in fact i can remember a time in my life where i was a lot more disputatious in general but as things go i have lost that part of myself. kind of like a car you couldn't afford rims for so like most normal people you just used the normal wheels it came with until you lost that hubcap going around that corner when you were probably too tipsy to be driving but you did it anyways and in the morning you looked at the wheel and went 'oh yeah, that was stupid' but you have a car that's missing a hubcap - and you feel like somebody with one gold tooth but not someone who has a 'grill'. now after all this time of looking at your gold tooth you think to yourself 'what do i have to do to get my tooth back?' but you can't. it's gone maaaan. like forever. and now all you feel is the permanence of knowing that the things you lose in life (especially teeth or parts of teeth) are in most cases irretrievable and all you can hope for is some facsimile of a tooth like substance that can be built up to look like a tooth. or you can just say f the whole thing and start ripping them out and save up for a good set of dentures.