Friday, October 30, 2009

tenebrous: /ten-uh-bruhs/

dark; gloomy; obscure

how to use in casual conversation:

"this halloween party can hardy be described as tenebrous"

not to be confused with:

tenuous

how it makes me feel:

freaking amazing. i like the word, i like the definition, i like the conotations. plus i've been watching a lot of dexter lately so it's kind of fitting for my current frame of mind. so when that fat guy in the sweater and flip-flops was trying to speak broken spanish in the worst accent ever to the taco truck lady (who speaks perfect english) i must admit that i was tempted to kill him. or at least punch him. i really want to punch somebody. i don't know what tenebrous monster has come to reside within the inner-workings of my mind such that i want to punch people simply for being douchey. oh wait. yeah i do. but those damned frontal lobes....they ruin everything, everytime.

editorial note:

i don't have a halloween costume. i don't how this one snuck up on me but i literally have nothing. i'm thinking about just riding my bike to a couple of parties and being one of 'those guys'. or i was just going to go dressed as myself and if anybody asked what i am i'll just say "a scumbag". whatever. happy hallow weenie.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

stentorian: /sten-tawr-ee-uhn/

very loud or powerful in sound

how to use in casual conversation:

"the normally peaceful roadway ground to a standstill when the stentorian rage of the construction crane was transformed from it's normally vertical silence to a horizontal roar."

not to be confused with:

the centurions

how it makes me feel:

this is a great WOTD. it's got fortitude....stentorian. damn. d'you see that? word damn near knocked me over. i mean that doesn't say a lot because most days a stiff breeze will knock me over if i don't brace myself...but yeah. stentorian. i feel manly just saying it. this word actually makes my testicles feel bigger. i mean, i'm sorry if i'm getting a little graphic on you but if i say stentorian one more time i won't be able to walk. i'll be stuck in my cubicle chair, only able to rotate around in circles, anchored by the marblebag as if i was made up of dark matter. i'll have to ask someone to go to the breakroom and bring me my lunch bag so i can make my tofurky sandwich at my desk. i'll have to rig up some kind of clandestine catheter system and hope the swelling goes down enough by 4:30pm that i won't have to actually pick them up and carry them in both hands all the way to the bus stop. that would be just plain embarrassing.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

WORD OFF!

this week's battle:

conflate: /kuhn-fleyt/

to fuse into one entity; merge

vs.

luculent: /lü-kye-lent/

clear in thought or expression

last week's word winner:

scuttlebutt

i wasn't impressed with last week's options. but all things considered it was fairly predictable that scuttlebutt would rule the day.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

punctilious: /puhngk-til-ee-uhs/

strict or exact in the observance of the formalities or amenities of conduct or actions.

how to use in casual conversation:

"the punctilious nature with which she approached life was both neurotic and boring."

not to be confused with:

punctation

how it makes me feel:

this one is a little complicated. i am by all accounts a lazy man. while capable of great things when i try, i rarely try. and even then i do so half-heartedly. i'm just not a 'go-getter' and frankly i have little understanding of people who are. overachievers drive me nuts. in my personal experience, trying just leads to disappointment. and who likes disappointment? life is a zillion times easier when you don't expect anything from it or any of the people you encounter while living it, most especially . so while the i think punctilious is an amazing WOTD, because it is, the idea of being surrounded by punctilious people or becoming punctilious myself is unappealing. it just sounds so tiring. always following the rules. obeying all the minor formalities of courtesy and human interaction....f that. or better yet don't. sex is sooooo much freaking work. could we just smoke a joint and cuddle?

Monday, October 26, 2009

encomium: \en-KOH-mee-um\

glowing and warmly enthusiastic praise

how to use in casual conversation:

"feel free to shower me with encomium anytime you want"
"i've heard nothing but encomium for where the wild things are. but then again i hate everything so we'll see..."

not to be confused with:

zirconium

how it makes me feel:

ok. it's raining in seattle today. it's also the first day i don't have a car. i got rid of it. it was dead financial weight and you don't really need a car in this town. you don't really need a car anywhere, at least not in the sense that you need water or food or to go to the bathroom. but i would be willing to admit that there are some places where it's certainly helpful (i.e. the grand clusterf%&k that is the greater LA area). but i don't need mine so i gave it back and told them to bite me. well, not exactly. but legally speaking it was akin to a british middle finger - insulting but in a polite and delightful manner. it had to be the kindest repossession ever - we made an appointment and i shook the dudes hand afterward. he was very helpful. now i have nothing but encomium for riding my bicycle.

Friday, October 23, 2009

galumph

to move along heavily and clumsily


how to use in casual conversation:

"and there you are galumphing about with your sketchers trying to pretend like you didn't just make a waffle out of someones face"

how it makes me feel:

i'm kinda like 'whatever' about it. because although the time stamp may say i posted this on friday i really posted it on sunday, well technically it's monday and quite frankly i'm drunk. this is the last time i wing for a man on a sunday night. especially with such lackluster results - i mean the primary was headstrong. i will give him that. he really went for it full bore. but at the end of the day all that really matters is results and i love you DPR, but you made a series of mistakes which quite frankly cost us the evening. first mistake? you couldn't remember their names. neither could i, but i wasn't the dude with the agenda and my only obligation was to drink rainier and be just enough of an asshole to make you look good and i can say without equivocation that i met those standards. the look and that girl's face as i walked home only proved that fact. second mistake? we drank too much. third mistake? our black eyes are waning. i mean we've had two weeks of golden that can only be replaced by us beating the hell out of each other and telling people 'we got mugged again' but quite frankly no one would believe us and at some point we need to start relying on charm and boyish good looks as opposed to sympathy and 'looking like we can take a punch'. just saying. i'm drunk.


Thursday, October 22, 2009

rugose:

1 : full of wrinkles
2 : having the veinlets sunken and the spaces between elevated

how to use in casual conversation:

"so this old man on the bus...he starts yelling something about a 'jig-a-boo in the white house' and then pulls his pants down and yells that he's staging a 'tea-bagging-protest'. as the cops pulled his dementia addled ass away, they left his rugose earl-grey-sack flailing in the wind for all to see."

not to be confused with:

lugosi

how it makes me feel:

do you remember that one adam sandler movie? not the one where he was beat up bob barker, or the one where he beat up the bathroom stall. big daddy? was that it? the one where he temporarily raised jon stewart's illegitimate kid... anyways, you know that scene where his girlfriend tells him she's dumping him for that old dude and he says something about her "having his wrinkly old nut-sack knocking up against for the rest of her life" or something like that. it made me think of that. it also made me think of my grandma. not the nut sack knocking part, but the wrinkly part. grandma smoked. a lot. she was also addicted to bingo for a while. everything she had contained cigarette burn holes. it's my main motivation for wanting to quit. (note i said wanting to, not trying to...big difference). this isn't really going anywhere.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

WORD OFF!

this week's battle:

quash:

to suppress or extinguish summarily and completely

vs.

scuttlebutt:

1. Nautical.
a. an open cask of drinking water.
b. a drinking fountain for use by the crew of a vessel.
2. Informal.

rumor or gossip.

last week's word winner:

oracular

i voted for fetor. in my opinion fetor was technically a better word BUT i will grant that fetor is gross. you people seem to have aversions to gross and/or ugly words and that's ok. i just have to admit to being somewhat surprised because fetor did have a significant lead for most of the week . but the masses have spoken and oracular wins.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

milieu:

surroundings, esp. of a social or cultural nature

how to use in causal conversation:

"it is hard to explain the milieu of the party. the shorts are short, and the sweaters are fuzzy"

not to be confused with:

beaulieu

how it makes me feel:

i used to like this word. it has a certain...je ne sais quoi. that's probably just because it's french like entrepreneur, or crepe. though it feels like it's lacking something. it's like a slurpee without a straw. sure it looks good and you'll probably find it tasty but without a straw the whole experience is just sloppy and something you probably wouldn't repeat because you'll always remember and be reminded of "that one time with the slurpee" where you had frozen orange fanta in your beard for what felt like days but it was summer and who was really sober enough to be paying attention to your facial hair, right? hell we spent a good part of summer solstice passed out, wine drunk in the middle of a park before we revived ourselves long enough for me to eat $18 worth of 'fair food', including 3 of 4 items which were hot-dog-based, all against a backdrop of the northwest's premier neil diamond cover band. in truth, that day pretty much established the milieu of the entire summer.

Monday, October 19, 2009

fugacious:

1. fleeting; transitory.
2. Botany. falling or fading early.


how to use in causal conversation:

"it was an intense but ultimately fugacious romance"
"you call yourself a gardener? your begonias are fugacious and your lilies are flaccid."

not to be confused with:

fungalicious

how it makes me feel:

i actually like this one. i actually kind of like it a lot. it's weird. i didn't really have high expectations for the day. it's kind of grey here in seattle and it's getting to the point where the sun doesn't bother coming around until 8 or 8:30 if you're lucky and after seeing what MW was offering i thought the cosmos might just somehow be aligned to make today a fairly mediocre experience where nothing really goes wrong but nothing really goes right either. one of those cosmically neutral days where you neither generate positive or negative karma, leisurely riding a soft gentle stream of middling tolerability (yes i'm making up words). in other words it felt like a monday. luckily that feeling was fugacious.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

word off!

this week's battle:

oracular:

1 : resembling an oracle (as in solemnity of delivery)
2 : of, relating to, or being an oracle


vs.

fetor:

a strong, offensive smell; stench.

last week's word winner:

polemic

i actually thought titivate had a chance on this one, but in retrospect polemic is a fairly powerful word. titivate while entertaining doesn't quite have the moxie that polemic possesses.

i'll be back on monday with actual posts. have an ok weekend.

Monday, October 12, 2009

catheter: a small tube inserted into a body cavity to remove fluid, create an opening, distend a passageway or administer a drug

how to use in casual conversation:
"good morning from harborview"
"from harborview?"
"yeah"
"what are you doing there?"
"well there's a catheter in my dick and i'm trying to figure the rest out"
not to be confused with:

any day you wake up with a catheter is, in general, confusing

how it makes me feel:

not so good. first, there is the anger. i mean, was it really necessary to spray me in the face with black paint and then proceed to beat the living hell out of me? i didn't even have any money and my bank card was shut off 12 hours later. sure you got my bus pass, but how far do you think that'll get you? the only cash you found was in my buddy's wallet and you left that there. wtf?

second is the loss. i really loved those glasses. and the one time i actually leave the house sporting those fuckers and i wake up in a neck brace with 5 staples in my head. i'm also lamenting the loss of the portions of my teeth that kept me from cutting the insides of my mouth constantly when i chew and talk. in case anybody wanted to know.

third is the stupidity. should i really feel that vulnerable walking around the very streets i used to call my home? i think not. so i've elected to combat this outrage with levity. (well, levity, advil, aspirin and copious amounts of sleep).

fourth is the violation. do you know what it's like to wake up with a tube in your manhood? a tube you neither askedfor nor desired? plus they make it feel like you have to pee even when you don't. i'm told i should be more happy i was awake when they took it out and not when they put it in, but geez!

editorial note:

none of this is a joke. i literally got the fucking shit beat out of me thursday night/friday morning for more or less no reason. it was supposed to be a robbery but as robberies go it was one of the most piss poor things i've every experienced. typically you rob people with money (dumbasses) and don't leave one of the guys with 3 dollars in his wallet. actually, you typically take the wallet with money in it and leave the one without money in it NOT THE OTHER FUCKING WAY AROUND!

i'm taking some time off. if it makes you feel any better, the swelling is going down but the bruising is worse. however, i have some arnica that i'm applying rather regularly. we'll be back up in a few days.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

WORD OFF!

this week's battle:

titivate:

to make smart or spruce

vs.

polemic:

1 a : an aggressive attack on or refutation of the opinions or principles of another b : the art or practice of disputation or controversy —usually used in plural but singular or plural in construction
2 : an aggressive controversialist

last week's word winner:

gaucherie


pabulum never really had a chance on this one.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

burgeon:

1. to grow or develop quickly; flourish
2. to begin to grow, as a bud; put forth buds, shoots, etc.


how to use in casual conversation:

"she quickly burgeoned into an alcoholic"
"there's a burgeoning discomfort in my stomach"

not to be confused with:

burden

how it makes me feel:

not terribly excited. all things considered - it's a good word. but it isn't exactly making anything in my pants burgeon. not to mention it just kinda sounds ugly. burgeon also rhymes with sturgeon which is one natures the ugliest creatures. probably because it's fucking old. i usually try to restrict swearing on these entries but 200 million years is a long damn time to go without evolving morphologically. i mean, come the f on here. humans transitioned from tree dwelling, bug-off-back-eating, grunting lion-fodder to latte-swilling, condo-dwelling, cell phone users in something on the order of 4-6 million years (not to mention learning to walk upright and developing the opposable thumb). so what's up sturgeon? feeling a little lazy? where's your condo sturgeon? what's that? you don't have one because you live in water? whatever. get a fucking job sturgeon.

editorial note:

cats are better than sturgeons. i got to see my cat last night. he was happy. he has a nice home which is good. i wanted him to be miserable without me but he was well groomed and he has a little playmate now. i'm still a little bitter about the circumstances under which he left my company but in the end the colonel is whats important not that stupid jerk.

Monday, October 5, 2009

avuncular:

1 : of or relating to an uncle
2 : suggestive of an uncle especially in kindliness or geniality

how to use in casual conversation:

"the kindly old man displayed an avuncular nature while distributing the poisoned candy"

not to be confused with:

vernaulcar

how is makes me feel:

i like it. MW did well today. the dictionary.com entry was esurient which was also an amazing entry, but i went with avuncular. why? because i have a bunch of uncles, most of whom i like quite a bit. just kidding uncle bob.

it also reminds me of walt. walt was a guy i used to work with. walt was a black man in his early 50's from south carolina who worked with a bunch of twenty somethings. walt was prone to saying things like 'dang ol' and 'well hot damn'. sometimes walt would preface things he said to me now 'now listen here my young partner'. i once made a joke about him getting his AARP card. he never let me forget it. anyways. we called him uncle walt. possibly for his warm spirit and kindly, helpful disposition but probably also for the amount of avuncular ball busting he would routinely unleash upon us. here's to uncle walt.

Friday, October 2, 2009

neologism:

1 : a new word, usage, or expression
2 : a meaningless word coined by a psychotic

how to use in casual conversation:

"you can't just throw out some neologism and expect that crap to fly."

not to be confused with:

neodarwinism

how it makes me feel:

my first though was 'borrrrrinnnnng' but the more i thought about it the more i kinda like it. new words and phrases are constantly being introduced into the language and it's good to have a word for that. more importantly it's good to have a word for this because i'm constantly making things up, for example:

crotchal: of or generally pertaining to the crotch

"could you get your dog's nose out of my crotchal region for a couple minutes?"

people are always telling me "hey pony, that's not a word" and i say "people make up words all the time" and they look at me like i am crazy. but now i can say "whatever, it's a neologism, i win". whether or not using the term neologism would make me appear to be the psychotic mentioned in the second definition is another issue. that is, would "neologism" seem like a neologism to someone who doesn't know what a neologism is? what i'm also wondering is why the meaninglessness of the word is exclusive to it being issued by a psychotic? if some fun-loving bum is walking around making up new words and phrases, why is that somehow different than if a guy in a business suit does it? is this like the difference between being bat-shit crazy and being eccentric?

editorial note:

i'm having a bit of trouble using the english language today. whoever finds the typos wins the prize!

what's the prize?

you buy me a plane ticket and i come to your house and drink all your beer and make your pets love me more than they love you and you feel bad about it forever. if you don't have pets i'll just make out with your sister. if you don't have a sister i'll just pee in the corner of your living room. it'd be better if you got a pet before i arrive....you should probably buy some beer too. grab some absobent pads as well, you know, j.i.c.

oh yeah, have a nice weekend.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

adjuvant:

adj.
1. serving to help or assist; auxiliary.
noun
2. a person or thing that aids or helps.

how to use in casual conversation:

"allow me to introduce wesley, my party adjuvant"
"when it comes to awesome, consider me your adjuvant"
"i have trouble reconciling the decisions made regarding bus scheduling in this town, especially in light of the fact that public transportation is supposed to be adjuvant by its very nature"

not to be confused with:

adjutant

how it makes me feel:

i'm okay with it. dictionary.com has been fairly consistent this week. consistent, but not amazing. they're like the pizza place down the street from you that always has cheap slices ready. it's not the best pizza ever but they aren't the worst either and they're like right-the-hell-there. plus the dude kinda knows you because you always tip well and always in cash, even when you pay with your card so he tells you about his camping trip with his wife over the weekend even though you don't really care because you've never met her and don't want to but you listen anyway and nod and smile because you're not entirely dead inside, at least not yet. and the lady at the taco truck is nice and everything but you just don't feel the connection that you do to your closest pizza place and how many meals a day can you have that contain jalapenos before your insides just kind of surrender and scream "when-lord-when will i get vegetables that don't come from subway?" plus it's nice to have someone to say hello to even if it's just the dude at the pizza place because lets face it here people - no matter how alone we aren't, we're all still pretty damn alone. that kind of thing.

editorial note:

MW has kinda gone off their rocker this week. pukka? wtf?